You know what you know, and want to know what you don’t know, but don’t think you know it all.
You ask questions more often than you issue judgements.
You don’t use the sentence, “because it has always been that way”.
You say “tell me more” more often than you say “NO”.
You don’t feel the need to be the smartest person in the room.
You would rather be in a room with people who are smarter than you so you can learn from them.
You use what you learn to reflect on your perspectives and beliefs.
You remain open to trying new ways of doing things.
If the older you become, the more you realize just how much more there is to learn.
You might just be a lifelong learner.
“Many important lessons were taught in the classrooms that we sat in, but it was in life that we were taught the lessons that had the most significant impact on the people we have become.” – Gregg Taylor
Habit Loops are things that we do repeatedly without much thought.
They allow us to do more because they reduce the demands on our thinking after we have internalized how to do something.
Our brains are like the CPU in our computers.
The available resources are utilized by the things we are doing and thinking about.
Habit Loops reduce the demand on our brain by allowing the things we know how to do well to happen without thinking through every detail as we need to do when we were first learning how.
Things like driving a car, playing an instrument, or a sport are good examples.
When we started we had to think about every step in the process.
Where is the brake? How hard do I push it? Where do my fingers go to play this note? How do I grip the ball?
As we built Habit Loops, we were able to do the basics with little thought.
We just did them.
Habit Loops are also comfortable.
We have done this before and we know we can do it again.
Habit Loops allow us to do what we do with less stress and worry.
The comfort they provide can also hold us back.
Habit loops can become confining
They can hold us back from trying new things, from learning and growing, from building relationships.
“This is the way we have always done it and there ain’t no reason to change”
The battle cry of those entrenched in the perpetuation of a confining Habit Loop.
Like most other things, Habit Loops be good or they can cause problems.
Depends on how we use them.
Habit Loops – “This process within our brains is a three-step loop. First, there is a cue, a trigger that tells your brain to go into automatic mode and which habit to use. Then there is the routine, which can be physical or mental or emotional. Finally, there is a reward, which helps your brain figure out if this particular loop is worth remembering for the future.
Over time, this loop—cue, routine, reward; cue, routine, reward—becomes more and more automatic. The cue and reward become intertwined until a powerful sense of anticipation and craving emerges. Eventually, whether in a chilly MIT laboratory or your driveway, a habit is born.
Habits aren’t destiny. Habits can be ignored, changed, or replaced. But the reason the discovery of the habit loop is so important is that it reveals a basic truth: When a habit emerges, the brain stops fully participating in decision-making. It stops working so hard, or diverts focus to other tasks. So unless you deliberately fight a habit—unless you find new routines—the pattern will unfold automatically.” ― Charles Duhigg, The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business
Connecting with someone is a deeper and richer experience than just communicating with them.
Connections happen when what we see and hear resonates with what we feel.
Robert Frost said, “There are three things, after all, that a poem must reach: the eye, the ear, and what we may call the heart or the mind. It is most important of all to reach the heart of the reader.”
Just as with poetry, reaching the heart is essential to building connections that become relationships.
Somethings to think about:
How do you think people feel after they spend time with you?
Did you talk with or talk at them?
Are they better for the time you spent together? Are you?
Are they glad you came or glad you are gone? Why?
“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” – Brené Brown